So...I was once AGAIN, back on the fantastic track of wanting to go to med school. Then I watched this clip on Oprah ( I actually didn't watch the Oprah episode because I had the t.v. at 4pm and i was studying when she came on at 9pm. I heard that it was a very emotional and wonderful show, as i am sure it was) of a SAHM...who was honestly like the best stay at home mom despite her catastrophic injuries. So then, I felt bad for wanting to go to med school. Like I shouldn't be out there trying to go to school to be a doctor. I should be at home with my kids because they need me. It is a tug of war that I face with my self on a daily...sometimes hourly basis.
"So you wanna be a doctor?" "why don't you just use the degree you have?" "you realize it's going to be so hard right?" and i once had a lady say to me, "Everyone i know who is a doctor, hates it. " I didn't say anything back to her, because i couldn't think of anything nice to say...so i said nothing at all. But i would have liked to say, "I hope those doctors that hate being doctors are not treating you..."
Yes, I struggle with being a homemaker. Who doesn't? And if you say you don't you are a LIAR, and stop reading my blog! On a typical day i clean, 20 minutes later my darling ( i do love them) kids have toys splashed every which way. I have a book called The Joy of Cooking. Please! I am usually trying to cook a meal with kids running around the kitchen playing tag, and all too often an important ingredient is left out. My husband has been such a blessing with the cooking though. This summer he allowed me a MUCH needed reprieve ( i think it was really for him) from cooking. I soaked it up. I start officially cooking again on Monday...not looking forward to it.
I try to make it to playgroups..but we skip them more than we make them. Personally i am 100% fine with it, and i think they are too. My daughter has preschool twice a week for 3 hours and my son will be starting school in January twice a week. The are both involved in 1 activity (daughter in ballet/tap combo class and son in karate) because that is all i can handle and i don't have any desire to overload my kids with so many activities that they end up liking nothing.
No, I don't want to be the mom with my kids in 3 and 4 and 5 different sports. Not right now. Especially if i have to be the one to take them. No, thank you.
On most days my energy is zapped by noon. A BIG part of this is my own fault. Actually probably 98% of this could be my fault. I somehow always forget to eat breakfast. I am anemic and i don't do what i should to fix that, which sadly is relatively easy. I don't prioritize, the list goes on.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I don't even know which way to look. I have wonderful support, truly i do. However, i really do have to take care of me before i can take care of anyone else effectively, right? Balance. That is what I need. How does one find balance?
I've been a mom for 16+ years and I have yet to find balance. I've been working since I was 18 stopping briefly when we had our children and going back immediately. I always hated going back but in my heart I know I'm not the SAHM type. I'm just not and I'm ok with that. BUT as the children got older, I had to learn to manage my work schedule to be at their events. That was tough!!!
ReplyDeleteOur children are way far apart. My stepson is 13 years older than my son, my son is 7 years older than my daughter. You know what, it works. My daughter is very protected by her big brothers and she looks up to them adoringly (for now anyway! LOL!)
I'm not a mom (yet) but I hope you'll appreciate what I have to say about this. I think your kids are so LUCKY to have you. I grew up without a mother, so when I "meet" moms like you I feel a little sorry for myself (at first) and then remember that everyone has a different story, and our trials of life help us to remember not to take anything for granted :) It sounds to me like you've got your hands in far too many things--I got slightly dizzy reading your post. I'm not sure what to say about the doctor stuff. It sounds amazing, but it seems unfortunate that you'd have to choose one over the other. Honestly, after teaching for 6 years and interacting with so many moms, I think your honesty about this stuff is incredibly refreshing. Why not write a book instead? Use your struggles, challenges, questions, etc to empower other women out there and demystify that fragile little fable that says being a mom is a perfect experience. I could see your humor, the images you post with the captions, all of it in a book. Hope that helps in some way and keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi! Just found your blog and really like it!! AND the jewelry supplies. When do you think you will get more bails in??
ReplyDeleteHang in there with the kids. It's SO worth the ride,
Lynn