Sometimes I feel like I have to choose between being this stereotypical soccer loving, great cookin', homemakin' mamma and wanting to have a career.
So...I was once AGAIN, back on the fantastic track of wanting to go to med school. Then I watched this clip on Oprah ( I actually didn't watch the Oprah episode because I had the t.v. at 4pm and i was studying when she came on at 9pm. I heard that it was a very emotional and wonderful show, as i am sure it was) of a SAHM...who was honestly like the best stay at home mom despite her catastrophic injuries. So then, I felt bad for wanting to go to med school. Like I shouldn't be out there trying to go to school to be a doctor. I should be at home with my kids because they need me. It is a tug of war that I face with my self on a daily...sometimes hourly basis.
"So you wanna be a doctor?" "why don't you just use the degree you have?" "you realize it's going to be so hard right?" and i once had a lady say to me, "Everyone i know who is a doctor, hates it. " I didn't say anything back to her, because i couldn't think of anything nice to say...so i said nothing at all. But i would have liked to say, "I hope those doctors that hate being doctors are not treating you..."
Yes, I struggle with being a homemaker. Who doesn't? And if you say you don't you are a LIAR, and stop reading my blog! On a typical day i clean, 20 minutes later my darling ( i do love them) kids have toys splashed every which way. I have a book called The Joy of Cooking. Please! I am usually trying to cook a meal with kids running around the kitchen playing tag, and all too often an important ingredient is left out. My husband has been such a blessing with the cooking though. This summer he allowed me a MUCH needed reprieve ( i think it was really for him) from cooking. I soaked it up. I start officially cooking again on Monday...not looking forward to it.
I try to make it to playgroups..but we skip them more than we make them. Personally i am 100% fine with it, and i think they are too. My daughter has preschool twice a week for 3 hours and my son will be starting school in January twice a week. The are both involved in 1 activity (daughter in ballet/tap combo class and son in karate) because that is all i can handle and i don't have any desire to overload my kids with so many activities that they end up liking nothing.
No, I don't want to be the mom with my kids in 3 and 4 and 5 different sports. Not right now. Especially if i have to be the one to take them. No, thank you.
On most days my energy is zapped by noon. A BIG part of this is my own fault. Actually probably 98% of this could be my fault. I somehow always forget to eat breakfast. I am anemic and i don't do what i should to fix that, which sadly is relatively easy. I don't prioritize, the list goes on.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I don't even know which way to look. I have wonderful support, truly i do. However, i really do have to take care of me before i can take care of anyone else effectively, right? Balance. That is what I need. How does one find balance?