Mommy where are you?

So, for the past 9 months my heart and mindset has been on doing what I need to do to get into Med School. I am religious (LDS) so I prayed about it, and I felt confirmation to do it.

I really want to be a part-time doctor...which is almost impossible, almost. I really did/do want to be a doctor, but be home when my kids got home from school, and have dinner with my family, and see them. Part-time doctoring really is not recommended by practices and a lot of doctors are having a struggle with this now. I read an article last night that probably made me feel like I should look into something else. Here is what it said:

"If your group hasn't yet bumped up against physicians petitioning to work part time, it will soon. With women now comprising nearly 50 percent of medical students, many young physicians are entering practice expecting that they'll work part time to raise families at some point in their careers. And Gen-Xers of both genders have made it clear that maintaining balance in life—coaching Little League and eating dinner with the family, for example—ranks far above achieving partnership."
--- www.pmandr.com

Then I did more research and found trying to be a part time doctor...is seriously hard to find. It's almost like you have to work full-time for years to make your place, and then put in the plug for part-time, which may just be wishful thinking.
So anyway, I was having some serious doubts about all of this, and if going to med school and being a Doctor was really truly what I wanted. Or if, like most moms, I lost my identity in being mommy? Am I pushing med school because it is what I WANT to do, or because I need something so BIG to separate me from my Mommy mentality? Does that even make sense? It made sense in my head...which could be the problem with a lot of things.

So amongst my confusion last night I prayed for guidance and if being a doctor and going to school was right for me and my family. I had such a different feeling this time. Like I should be a writer. I have always LOVED writing. When I was little I would write and write and write. I won book contest. I Loved writing books and papers. I got such satisfaction out of writing papers. I would write papers for my sister, my brother and even my husband. I have always wanted to a writer my whole life. So last night when my daughter crept into my room like a thief in the night at 2:58am I welcomed her in the bed and just smiled at her and felt an unfathomable about of happiness that I FINALLY knew for sure what I was meant to do.

Then this morning when I woke up...I felt confused. Doctor or writer? Both are hard, it' not like one is easier than the other, to me anyway. I woke up this morning feeling like med school is what I should be doing. How can that be? Last night I felt 100% like I should be a writer? How can I be feeling so strong about two different career paths? Is it me wrestling with God on what he wants me to do vs. what i want to do? Which does he want, and which one do i want? I don't know.

Now I am completely stressed out. This post was not therapeutic for me at all, I thought it would be for some reason.

On a less confusing note: If you haven't entered the Halloween Disney costume contest, click here to enter.


  1. When I am praying for God's guidance, I know the right thing to do when I have peace about it. There is no confusion or second guessing my decision. For me, that's how I know. Would nursing interest you? It seems like that would be more in keeping with the kind of hours you want and still be in the medical field. Just a thought.

  2. Is it strange that i have peace about both options? Then i get so stressed out about that i end up more confused than i should. Although nursing hours are great, i have absolutely zero desire to be a PA or a nurse, and when praying about it..i feel nothing.

  3. I completely understand not knowing if you want to do something or if is something to seperate you from being a mom! I struggle with what to do or goto school for and I still havent figured it out. The way i see it is if God wants me to do something he will no doubt show it to me and open a door for it to happen. Good luck to you!

  4. and God answers when the time is right...not when you expect it. if youre in conflict, surrender and remain open for the "answer". good luck!

  5. I agree with libu....and if you get an answer let me know because maybe God will be closer to answering my request!

  6. Frenchell, I am sorry you feel so conflicted! That is a hard choice... were you planning on specializing in anything? I wonder if in that case you might have more leverage in asking for part time hours, but then again you would probably have to be on call or something. Hmm. I wish I could think of something brilliant to help, but I just hope that you find the resolution you're looking for.

  7. what a tough choice to pick for a loving mom! i wish i could come up with a perfect advice for u! good luck!

  8. I feel the same way that you do. Totally confused! I am a stay at home mom also. I was going to school to be a nurse, but then I had a baby and had to stop. Then I started going back and yep, Another baby. I have 4 beautiful children :)

    SO now I am back to square 1. I also would love to be a writer, but I don't know if I could be good at that. So, for now I am just sewing, because I love to do that too!! Someday I will figure out what I am meant to be doing :)

    Please let all of us know what you decide! And when you decide, don't second guess yourself. Follow your heart.


  9. Oh sweetie, it is so hard to be a mom. We have struggles and feel like nobody understands. Please know that we understand you. The answer will come to you when you are not expecting it. Trust me.


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